Tales of Hetalia
by Yoko Kiara14
Summary: Ever wonder what happens when you cross Tales of Symphonia with Hetalia? You're about to find out. non-yaoi Discontinued. I'm very sorry, but I've completely lost the motivation to contiue writing this story. I apologize again.


I

Once upon a time, there existed a giant hambagu tree that was the source of all awesomeness…

Germany stared at the script in confusion.

"_Prussia! America!" _

Laughter could be heard in the background.

"Do you want me to continue?" Germany asked.

"_Yes, but _this _time, use the _real_ script…"_

I 1/2

Once upon a time, there was a man who ruled over the Mediterranean Sea, who was famous for his love of pasta. But one day, the sacred pasta recipe was misplaced, and no one in the land could remember what it was.

Grieving over the loss of the sacred pasta recipe the man began to grow weak and the land started to wither and die.

The Italians bore the Chosen One, who headed towards the tower that reached up unto the heavens. And that marked the beginning of the Regeneration of the Pasta.

"Alfred! Wake up, you lazy American!"

Just as Alfred raised his head, a book collided with his forehead and he fell backward onto the floor.

Al's friend Vash shook his head and turned back to their teacher, Arthur.

"Yes, mom, I'll take another hambagu…" Al said, still on the floor, glasses half off his face.

At the end of class, Vash came to his friend's desk. Al had been spacing all day, and Vash knew it was because Veneziano was the Chosen of Regeneration. Most people thought the two had a thing, but they were just good friends.

"Come on, Al, he'll be okay, you know how much he _loves_ his pasta," Vash said, folding his arms.

Al straightened his glasses and sighed, "I know, but…he's so…"

"Weak?" Vash finished for him.

"Well, yeah, that too," Al said.

Just then, a blinding light filled the entire room from the temple where Veneziano was supposed to receive his quest of Regeneration.

"Hey! That's coming from the temple!" Al said, standing abruptly.

"No dip, Sherlock," Vash said.

"Let's go check on It-chan!" Al said, grabbing and dragging Vash out of the room and towards the temple. Unfortunately for them, they ran into Arthur.

"What on earth are you two, doing here? Get back to the classroom!" said Arthur.

"Ha! Like the hero has to listen to you!" Al said, as he continued to drag Vash to the temple, leaving Arthur in his dust.

Arthur stood in silence, until his words sunk in.

"Get back here you bloody American!" he yelled as he ran after them.

II

As the light faded, a man with dark brown hair pulled into a pony tail, dressed in a green uniform, appeared before Veneziano and the priests. He smiled.

"Ni hao! You can call me China!"

Ven blinked in confusion then waved and said, "Ciao! My name's Veneziano! It's nice to meet you!"

China spoke again, "Chosen of Pasta, scattered among the world, are four to five elements of pasta-aru. You must go to the seals and obtain the ingredients of the Pasta of Regeneration-aru. Do you accept this task?"

Ven nodded and raised his hand in enthusiasm, "Si!"

"Very well-aru. We shall now bestow upon you the Tower of Pasta," China said, as he raised his arms and in the distance, Ven and the priests notice a giant tower that reached up into the heavens.

"I shall be waiting on you at the next seal. Bye!" China said, as the light returned and he disappeared.

"All right! To the first ingredient!" Ven said.

"But Chosen," the priest said, "He didn't say where it was."

Ven blinked, "Oh." Just then, China reappeared.

"Oh, yeah! The first seal is in the desert! Sorry, I forgot! Bye!" -poof-

"Now on to the first seal!" Ven said as he started towards the door. Just as he was about to reach the door, arrows broke through the glass windows and to save the Chosen, the priests surrounded him and were shot down. Ven seeing this, ran behind the alter as the two guards were faced against four Desian soldiers ,they were quickly dispatched. Ven finally worked the courage he needed.

Stepping out from behind the alter, he raised his white flag and began waving it hysterically.

"Please don't shoot me! I'm just a kid who loves pasta and pizza! I've barely started my life! I'm a virgin, killing me wouldn't be any fun! Please don't shoot me!" he yelled desperately. As the soldiers moved in and raised their weapons, Al showed up.

"Hey, Venny! We're here!" he said as he looked around the room he then noticed all the soldiers staring at him, Vash and Arthur. Vash reacted faster, running in front of Ven and pulling a shotgun out of no where. The soldiers were fixed on their mark and moved in on Ven and Vash once again.

"Sorry I'm late."

The soldiers turned once more to see the newcomer. He also wore a green uniform and had light blonde hair sicked back out of his face. He drew his gun and stepped forward. The Desians saw this threat and raised their guns.

BAM BAM BAM BAM

The soldiers fell dead. The mercenary holstered his gun as everyone stared in awe.

"W-who are you?" asked Arthur.

"My name is Ludwig. I'm a traveling mercenary here to help the Chosen on his Journey. As long as you can pay me, I can do the job," he said.

"You sound like your German. I'm gonna call you Doitsu!" said Ven.

"No."

III

"Oh, come on, It-chan! You gotta let me go! I'm the hero!"

Everyone was currently at Al's house, trying to get Al to stay home.

"I would, but Doitsu said it's too dangerous," Ven said.

"It is too dangerous Al, and you will stay here, you dolt," Arthur said.

"Since when do I listen to you?" Al said, "I'll go ask Ludwig!" Vash just shook his head as Al ran outside just to come back in and ask where he was.

Al found Ludwig at his mother's grave behind his house.

"Hey! Doitsu! How come I can't-" he stopped seeing where he was. Ludwig turned to him.

"This is your mother's grave?" Ludwig asked. Al nodded. "And your father?"

"Don't know, my dad found me in mom's arms right before she..." Al trailed off.

"I see," Ludwig said, "What was it you were going to ask?" Al suddenly perked up again.

"Oh, yeah! Why can't I go with you guys to get the Pasta?" he asked.

"Because you'll just get in the way," Ludwig said, walking away.

Determined to go with them, Al packed his stuff that night and went to meet them the next morning at eleven when he was told they were leaving. Al had, once again, dragged Vash along, and as they arrived at the gate to the town, they found no one there.

"Darn it!" Al yelled, "You can't have an adventure without the hero!"

IV

Al had gone back to his house to get something to eat after finding they'd been left. He made his favorite food in the world: a hamburger.

After many hamburgers, when it got dark, he finally decided to go after them. Thinking his late arrival would just make it more of an adventure. Just when he was about to leave, Vash burst through his front door, wet from the rain.

"Al, the town's on fire! We've gotta help!"

"Never fear! The Hero is coming!"

Running to the rescue, the two encountered some soldiers still burning houses. They were shot down quickly by one Vash's many guns and Al's dual pistols. Arriving at the town gate, they found the villagers surrounded by soldiers and their leader.

"Hey, you! Quit burning down our town!" Al yelled pointing a gun at the leader.

"Real heroic, Al," Vash muttered.

"You! You're the asshole who stole my tomatoes!" yelled Romano pointing at Al. Vash was thoroughly confused.

"Wait, he did what?" Vash asked, "When did he do this?"

"Earlier today! The idiot was singing about 'hambagu's or something," Romano said. Vash's eye twitched. He turned to his friend.

"You got the town burned down for a hamburger?" Vash yelled at him.

"I was hungry! There wasn't a sign or anything! I thought they were wild!" Al said, trying not get shot by his best friend.

"They were growing right next to my house! Why the hell would you think they were growing wild?" Romano shouted.

"Shut up!" Vash yelled, "Get out of our own! Now!" he pointed his shotgun at Romano and fired a warning shot at his feet.

"GAH! Fine! We'll leave! But! If he ever sets foot on my property I'll-"

Vash fired another shot and Romano ran off, taking his soldiers with him.

Al whistled, "Dang, go Vash!" he said, turning to his friend with a hand the air to give him a high five. Vash turned to him with a death glare on his face. Al put his hand down and gave a sheepish smile.

After getting yelled at mercilessly by the mayor, Al and Vash were banished from the town.

Running away from an angry Vash, Al went back to his house to get his already packed supplies. He went out back to his mother's grave and said one last goodbye then turned and left to meet Vash.

With a backpack full of supplies, plenty of ammo and a hamburger in his hand he was finally ready to begin the adventure of a lifetime.

V

**...Oh, my...this was sooooooo crack...XD Right!**

**Welcome to another story of Yoko Kiara! thanks so much for joining us once again! I hope you enjoy the rest! XP **

**Warning...This is PURE crack...I will explain my reasoning for characters at the end...K? BYE! **

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